im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
