guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
