so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
