there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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