why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
