so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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