apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
