Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
