It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
