So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
