You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
