im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
