I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
