HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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