you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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