I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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