The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
