hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
