i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
