peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
