singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
