I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
