batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
