Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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