Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will pee on everything he values.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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