I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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