Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
