I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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