All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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