I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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