We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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