let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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