you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
