Tell her she can't have a vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
