You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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