Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
