Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to calm my uterus...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
