We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
