I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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