dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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