I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Randomize
