Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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