Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
