please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
