When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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