maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
