So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
