why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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