we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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