Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
