Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
