I can tuck mytits in my pants
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
